Death Warmed Over
by I Heart Edward Cullen
Summary: The horror of when death itself throws a Halloween party. It's random, it's bizarre, and at times romantic. Things are gonna get weird. IchixRuki COMPLETE
1. Chapter 1

**Death Warmed Over**

**Or, alternatively, the horror of when death itself throws a Halloween party.**

**Things are gonna get weird.**

Disclaimer: Bleach is not mine. End of story. Neither is it real, or I am profiting in any way from this source of trivial entertainment. Which saddens me, because I have no Renji to cuddle with…

Chapter 1: Some Things Are Better Left Unknown

Ichigo hated parties.

While he had always been a bit of a loner, not to mention up keeping his meticulously crafted anti-social image, things always got somewhat… bizarre when you gathered that many people in one place and added music, sugar and strobe lights. Not to mention that his father had an annoying habit of randomly showing up and then proceeding to joyfully beat the tar out of all other guests at the party games and stuffing his face.

So how exactly did he end up in this particular situation? Only by a bizarre twist of fate, the likes of which only a lazy and stressed out fanfiction author could dream up.

Cue the cheesy-wavy-fade-out-flashback transition.

_Once again, Ichigo found himself strolling the aisles of the local bookstore, as Rukia stocked up on rather macabre looking manga with his allowance. While he wanted to say something, maybe put in an opinion so that **his** money at least got used on something that he even had a **remote** chance of reading later (He had had enough death in his well, life, lately. He didn't need to read it too, thank you. Teen slasher movies were practically comedies, but these were something else entirely.) but it wasn't worth his life to interrupt her right now._

_Already gripping a few books, she looked at her choices solemnly. After surveying them rather grimly for a few minutes, she finally put one back on the shelf and started to get up. However, something caught her attention out of the corner of her eye._

_Ichigo attempted to peer over her shoulder to see what exactly she was looking at, but Rukia slowly turned to him and shoved the volume into his hand._

"_Look at this." She demanded, mouth set in a firm line and eyes haunted._

_He stared at the slightly younger version of himself glaring cockily out of the cover. He unconsciously reached for where the same sword once hung, fingers touching nothing but air. A small voice in his head said to stop, it looked like he was checking to see if his deodorant had stopped working. Reluctantly he let his hand fall to his side once more, returning to flipping through the pages with sweat soaked fingers, looking on the most important moment of his entire life was played out once more._

_Ichigo silently returned the book to the shelf, staring at Rukia for a long moment._

"_Should we… see how it ends?" She nodded, and he reached for the last one in stock, volume number thirteen. Both watched as he turned the pages, until he returned it to the shelf in disgust._

"_Geez… I fought Kenpachi ages ago. They're **slow.**"_

_Rather uncomfortable silence ensued._

_Ichigo went for the first safe topic that came into his head. "So… I hear Keigo's throwing a Halloween party…"_

Things faded back to the costume store, where Ichigo was staring blankly and unmoving at where the camera presumably was.

"Sir- do you want this plastic sword or not?" The teenager jerked back to reality as the rather pimply clerk waved the prop in his face. _Why… did I suddenly blank out like that?_

"Yeah, sure." He shoved some money into the guys waiting hand, taking care to hold onto his cash by the end, as he didn't look to be the cleanest person in the world. Gathering his new possessions and silently lamenting how he couldn't seem to hold onto _any_ of his money lately, he exited the store, enjoying the pleasant crunch of the leaves under his feet. "I wonder where that chick has gotten off to?" Ichigo thought aloud. The last time he had seen Rukia was when she had been dragged off by Tatsuki and Orihime to go shopping on their own, as they all chattered about how men have no sense whatsoever when it comes to clothes or costumes.

He looked at the large container of fake blood and gore sloshing about in his plastic bag and the fake wakizashi/headband. _I do **so** know how to make a good costume…_ He grumbled.

Well, maybe making it look as though someone had stuck a sword into your skull wasn't exactly the world's most creative outfit for Halloween. But those cheap clothes most of them came with we're just so _itchy…_

Ichigo eventually made his way back home, where he proceeded to be quite bored. He raided the fridge, for lack of anything better to do, flipped through the channels, and even, (horror upon horrors) cleaned up his room a bit. Not that it was dirty. He had long ago made a habit of at least keeping his underwear picked up off the floor, (It wasn't a great idea to do otherwise in a house where the only other guy has the maturity of a kindergartener, a girl is living in your closet, and your little sister does all the cleaning.) but he was so bored he even _dusted._

There really wasn't much to do around there when Rukia wasn't around to tease. That, and Isshin had shut down the hospital for the holiday. That guy took Halloween _very _seriously.

Ichigo was just dozing off when he heard some footsteps and giggling outside, and the slam of the front door. Careful not to look too interested, he casually opened one eye to see Rukia smuggling a suspiciously small bag upstairs. He actually sat up this time, and feeling his eyes upon her back, Rukia turned to answer his unasked question. She knew him only too well.

"Tatsuki found me this really cute costume! She said not to show you until the party, but you know what? I am feeling charitable today, so I'll give you a sneak peek." With a rather sugary giggle she disappeared up the stairs completely, waving the bag behind her.

_**Damn. ** I **told** them not to mix soda with shopping with her. But do they listen? **Nooooo….** And now **I'm** the one that has to put up with Rukia._

Rukia was taking an awful long time, and Ichigo was about asleep again when he felt the table he was using as a footstool move. He opened his eyes onto a familiar pair of blue ones, a paltry few inches from his face. Scrambling backwards in a very undignified manner and nearly succeeding in tipping over the couch, he regarded the girl with a strange mixture of awe, horror and utter fascination. His mind hadn't caught up enough for curiosity to factor into it quite yet.

_It's Rukia, it's Rukia, only Rukia, just Rukia…._

Rukia twitched her nose. "Is it not just _great!_ Look! I'm a bunny now too! Tatsuki found it! She said that you would really like it! And look, it has just the cutest little fluffy tail!" She turned around and wiggled it as proof to his disbelieving eyes. "I thought it was kind of tight… but Tatsuki said it was supposed to fit this way, and that I would get used to it, and she certainly know much more about these things than I do, being from this time and all… Is something wrong? Do you not like it?"

_Just Rukia, only Rukia, it's Rukia for crying out loud…_

Ichigo continued to stare.

_Rukia, Rukia, Rukia, Rukia, Rukia…_

A single, and surprisingly astute, thought made it's rather sluggish way through his cluttered mind. _It seems Tatsuki has switched her focus from Orihime… to Rukia…_

Ichigo was not quite sure when exactly he would tell her that her prized rabbit outfit was in fact a _playboy_ bunny costume. Or how for that matter. Or, if he would in the first place.

A/N: Meh… I wanted a break from my more serious stories. To write something funny. And something Bleach related. So yeah… I just combined them. This things plot will be weak, held together by ABC gum, a few paperclips and some duct tape if there is one at all. I have no idea where this is going. Written pretty much for my good friend both on and off the net, Rain at Midnight (or Kingdom Raindrops, less recently) and you should go check out her Bleach-party-related story as well. Uryuu with a superman cape, Keigo and sugar, closets with no doorknobs on the inside, grim umbrellas, Gin making good use of a pay phone… good stuff. Good stuff. –nods- REVIEW OR I SHALL SEND RENJI-KUN AFTER YOU!

I don't know when this takes place. Don't ask. I also don't know if Japan celebrates Halloween. And I also don't care. Just laugh and don't think to hard- alright?


	2. Chapter 2

**Death Warmed Over**

**Or, alternatively, the horror of when death itself throws a Halloween party.**

**Things are gonna get weird.**

Disclaimer: Bleach is not mine. End of story. Neither is it real, or I am profiting in any way from this source of trivial entertainment. Which saddens me, because I have no Renji to cuddle with…

Chapter 2: Of Scary Movies and Spray Paint

"RUUUKKIIIAAA! I NEED MORE BLOOD!"

The aforementioned "Ruuukkiiiaaa" sighed and went to look for some more ketchup.

The gallon jug of real-fake-blood had run out long ago. And now the seemingly limitless supply of fried food condiments were rapidly being depleted as well… Finding a rather questionable red bottle in the very bottom on the pantry, she shrugged and poured it into the container that was once the home of the real-fake-blood so it wouldn't be suspicious.

Stalking upstairs, Rukia shoved it into his chest. "This is the last of it, Your Goriness."

Ichigo, for his part, was fussing over getting the right degree of spikiness in his hair so that it disguised the headband the sword was attached to, since he had neglected to get the XXL container of real-fake-blood. Not that he would admit this.

He was also really hoping that this stuff would come out of his shirt. The label said it would… but he had his doubts. It kinda smelled like ketchup, and he thought that that stained at least. His favorite skull shirt had mysteriously disappeared after he gave it to Yuzu to wash after that one punk chucked his fries at him last week… But then, it might have been the other guys blood that stained it too… Regardless, Ichigo had had bad experience in the past with red liquids coming in contacts with his clothes, so he was understandably wary.

Rukia stared at the small red puddle that had made it's way from his head, down his shirt and pants, and onto the floor. "You think that's a bit of overkill?"

"No way! I bled _tons _more when Renji stabbed me that one time!" Ichigo replied, slightly offended. He knew his wounds.

Ah yes, the great Battle of Remote. Renji had randomly shown up one day. Ichigo was not home, as he and Rukia were off… cleansing some hollows. Yeah. Hollows. So anyway, Renji showed up, and was poking around the house, when he discovered, GASP, **_TV._**

So, needless to say, Renji had spent a considerably long time spaced out in front of the boob tube, and then he figured out how to… **_change channels._** Pounding upon the remote in his haste to discover all that this strange box held for him (and considerably excited to find more like the Victoria's Secret ad that had popped up one time) he broke it.

And then Ichigo walked in.

A great battle ensued. I mean, you just don't mess with another man's TV. And then break his remote of all things. The nerve!

Rukia often liked to remind them of how long it had taken to clean up all the blood when the two friends started bickering.

They would stop real quickly then.

Regardless, Ichigo didn't give her more than a small side-long glance to see that she wasn't _too _displeased when he proceeded to empty the container on his head. Immediately, the scent of strawberries filled the air.

"The hell-!"

Strawberry syrup. _He had poured strawberry syrup on his head. _And it _reeked _of strawberries. He would _never_ be able to live this down. He was late as it was… he didn't have time to take a shower and re-do his entire costume… If they called him Strawberry **_now_**… Ichigo repressed a violent shudder. But just barely.

Rukia laughed insanely, her nose twitching and her little bunny ears nearly falling off her head in her mirth.

Ichigo stopped to stare. Suddenly, for some reason, he didn't feel like ripping her hair out anymore… How peculiar.

Sometime later, they finally managed to make it out of the house without blowing any holes in the wall. A new record.

Ichigo was grumbling about smelling like a sissy.

Rukia was shivering in her scanty costume and the October weather.

Finally taking notice of her plight, Ichigo offered her his rather sticky and strawberry-smelling coat, mumbling something about not trusting his father to treat her if she got sick when she was dressed like that. Rukia took it gratefully, breathing in the jackets scent when she thought he wasn't looking. Ichigo in _every_ sense of the word. It was rather pleasant actually.

They walked on in silence, Ichigo dropping behind to let Rukia lead the way and staring up at the harvest moon.

Renji picked that moment to mysteriously drop out of the sky.

After giving a small, "Yo," to them both, he suddenly noticed what Rukia was wearing, and understandably gawked for a small moment. Ichigo gave a "Yo," back, and then realized what Renji was wearing, and what he was currently looking at. Renji tore his eyes away to meet Ichigo's.

"YOU!" Both pointed at the other, Ichigo at the katana sticking out of Renji's gut and the wakizashi protruding from Ichigo's skull. They launched themselves at one another with all the grace of the fighter's they were born to be, and-

"RENJI! ICHIGO! Do you want to mess up your costumes!"

Each removed their hands from the other's neck and proceeded to scuff the ground with their collective foot.

"Umm… no… I guess not…" Renji stammered, still not meeting her eyes.

_She said **his** name first._ "Che, I can beat him up anytime I want-" Rukia glared at him, and Ichigo quickly shut up, even if he continued to sulk internally.

They continued walking.

"Why the hell are you here?"

"Why the hell do you smell of strawberries, _Strawberry?_"

Damn. He had him there. Stupid Rukia… there was a reason he had hidden that bottle… "Long story." He grunted.

Renji got the hint. He was all for a good ribbing, but that was getting cruel. Even if their friendship was an uneasy one and they got along pretty well most of the time, he knew Ichigo wouldn't hesitate to attack him. Part of the reason he ended up liking the guy. But he _really_ didn't want to mess up his costume…

"Renji- what _are_ you doing here?" Rukia asked.

"Well, see, most everybody was put out on patrol tonight, cuz all the Hollow sensors were just going _crazy_, and we thought that Menos had gotten himself out or something or your Quincy friend got his hands on some more of that bait stuff again. Turns out the sensors can't tell the difference between Hollows and those kids in the Scary Movie masks, but none of the higher ups quite figured that out yet. Didn't really feel like going back to deal with Byakuya, and saw a flier for your buddy Keigo's party, so I went back, grabbed my gigai, told a few guys about it and stopped by the costume shop and here I am." Renji panted slightly at his rather long winded explanation.

"Lemme get this straight. Keigo _advertised_ this party?" Ichigo asked, eyes widening in horror.

"Yeah. See- look right there!" Renji pointed to the street, and the building beside them.

**ONE NIGHT ONLY!**

**THE MOST SPECTACULAR HALLOWEEN SPECTUACULAR**

**YOU HAVE EVEN SEEN!**

**ASANO'S HOUSE- 8:00!**

**FREE FOOD!**

It was sprayed in neon orange paint, the entire width of main street. And on the signs. And the fence. And the traffic lights. And a confused looking dog.

And his giant smiling face was painted like a billboard right onto the side of the mall.

"Dear… god…"

_This_ was why Ichigo hated parties. Because Keigo never knew where to draw the line.

"Free food! Hurry up!" Renji dashed ahead, stomach growling audibly.

Ichigo had never been this afraid his entire life.

A/N: I am having the easiest time writing this. I think I need to relax more on my other stories. That must be the key to resolving writer's block.

Feh. I hope you're enjoying reading this, because I really should be getting ready for a horse show right now. Doing things like cleaning my books. Or re-stocking my hair kit. Things that are ever so more exciting than writing this.

So review. Or else. Dun dun dun.


	3. Chapter 3

**Death Warmed Over**

**Or, alternatively, the horror of when death itself throws a Halloween party.**

**Things are gonna get weird.**

Disclaimer: Bleach is not mine. End of story. Neither is it real, or I am profiting in any way from this source of trivial entertainment. Which saddens me, because I have no Renji to cuddle with…

Chapter 3: Don't Try And Attempt Any of The Following Scenes and Sue Me For Damages, Or Else Your Lawyer Will Just Laugh At You

Ichigo had seen the afterlife. He had fought it's vilest demons, seen the rot of people's souls first hand, the true essence of evil, and the gates of hell itself.

It had _nothing_ on the monster that was consuming Keigo's house.

And quite literally in some cases. Some guy was gnawing on the front door. Upon closer inspection, in proved to be Ikkaku, dressed like a cowboy.

"Helpho Ichigho, Renhhi, Ruhia. Greaph parthy- isn't it?" He greeted cheerily, trying his hardest to avoid spraying them with the small bits of fake wood falling out his mouth when he spoke.

They all mumbled a collective, "I don't know you," and edged past him into the interior of the house. Not that it was much of an improvement. For his part, Ikkaku didn't seem to care much. He went back to licking the doorknob happily, ready to greet whoever else decided to show up, which turned out to be Yumichika (dressed as something akin to a death butterfly, only more sparkly), whom he chatted with amiably for awhile.

It was quite dark inside, save for the strobe lights, which really only served to blind you even more than if they weren't there in the first place. And the music. Ichigo wasn't even going to get started on the music. Some pop crap played way too loudly for its own good, with the Monster Mash occasionally mixed in or some organ music that vaguely reminded Ichigo of the Phantom of The Opera.

Somebody randomly dropped candy on them from the upper balcony. Rukia dived for it, but Renji helped him snatch it from her before it could do any further harm. Those friggin' fake cobwebs were everywhere too, often conveniently placed in doorways for anyone taller than Rukia to consume The trio tried to seek refuge in what seemed to be an unoccupied corner, thoroughly cowed and with tendrils of spun plastic stuck in places they didn't want to think about, but ended up runni_ng into Shunsui and Nanao, who were clearly up to no good._

_Frankly, Renji didn't even recognize them at first, as both their hair was_ down and their hat and glasses were no where to be seen. That, and he could barely see their faces in the first place.

They made the executive decision to proceed on.

Keigo was absolutely no where to be seen. Ichigo started a running tally of people would would receive a _very _through beating as soon as possible. Asano's name was at the top. In bold. Underlined. Italics.

At some point Renji got carried away by the mass tide of people, and they yelled for one another and futilely tried to grab his hand until he disappeared from sight completely.

It reminded Ichigo of some drowning scene out of a B-Movie. Or when someone gets pulled through the doorway via their legs by some unseen and malevolent force clothed in foam rubber. It was rather creepy.

He felt Rukia's hand slip into his own. An excellent idea, all things considered. Who knew what trouble she or others would get into without Ichigo playing babysitter? She might get trampled. Or, or… not going there.

And the sheer number of people, and costumes… it was mind-boggling. Ichigo really didn't think Keigo's house was big enough to fit them all in it.

He thought he saw Matsumoto once. Well, not so much that he recognized her. It was the fact that he couldn't think of anyone else that would go about in a costume that consisted solely of two 2 inch wide strips of black leather and a pair of thigh high boots. She didn't even have anyplace to put her sword. She had to hold it. But then, it was just a brief glimpse.

And Grimmjow as a teddy bear.

These lights must be getting to him. The sheer _implications_ of it…

Many times that night Ichigo wished that he had brought a camera with him. He could have made a _killing_ off of blackmail.

Urahara and Yoruichi doing karaoke to what he assumed to be "Hit Me Baby One More Time." (Which was now stuck in his head AGAIN. It had taken weeks to be replaced by some Radiohead when Yuzu first brought the album home… Ichigo silently added several more people to his Kill-When-Most-Convenient-List.) This in and of itself was not the most disturbing however. It was the fact that Yoruichi was wearing apparently nothing but Kisuke's infamous diamondy-cloak-thing and his belt. And Urahara was having issues keeping his pants up.

Byakuya. At a party. Hovering over the punch bowl and looking rather red in the face.

Hitsugaya, sitting in a corner cooing over what Ichigo recognized as one of Keigo's rather frightened cats. It wasn't even _moving_ for crying out loud. Positively catatonic.

Perhaps sensing even an internal and unintentional use of a horrible pun, Rukia gave him a suspicious look. Or perhaps it could have been the strange strangled sound he made to keep from laughing. Or crying. Ichigo wasn't sure which one would have come out. His insults were positively going down the _tubes…_

Eventually the pair was herded into a comparatively empty corner of the dance floor that was once Keigo's living room. At least Ichigo assumed. His prized wide-screen TV was in the corner, with a lamp through it. Although someone had at least been thoughtful enough to decorate with some more of those effing fake cobwebs.

The theme to Psycho was now vomiting from the unseen speakers, and while it didn't really seem like something that a normal person would deem danceable, Rukia was having a good time. Ichigo tried to make himself invisible. There weren't many options. He considered the potted plant, but then Jack Sparrow had already tried it, and look at what it got _him_ into. He finally settled upon making snide remarks at Rukia's dancing.

"I bet Kenpachi could dance better than you!"

"You're losing your touch, Ichigo! I bet_ Unohana _could insult others better!"

That did it. "Yeah, well, you can't even open a juice box!"

Rukia raised an eyebrow. She walked over, swaggered actually, going on tip-toe to whisper in his ear. Well, shouted. But you get the idea. "I have your old yearbook. You didn't bury it deep enough in your closet by _far._"

Ichigo went silent, staring at her in horror. She smirked.

His gaze slowly lifted to somewhere behind her, and he pointed mutely. Rukia slowly followed his gaze, eyes going wide.

"STOP CALLING ME-E-E-E!" Byakuya sobbed, chucking his cell phone at the wall, where it shattered. He curled up in a small ball, his back to the wall, resting his head on his knees and rocking back and forth.

They stared at one another mutely. Words seemed suddenly meaningless.

Ichigo felt his own phone vibrate, and pulled it forth, desperate for a distraction.

"H-he-hello?" He couldn't stop shaking.

"Hiiii Ichi! Could you please give your phone to Hair Curlers? He's not answering his…" He stared at his phone incredulously.

"…Yachiru?"

"Yep! And Smiles too!"

He spotted a small pink head bouncing up and down and waving next to the same plant he had considered hiding behind before. It was probably just as well, as it was now populated by Gin, his usual, ahem, smiley self.

"Hair Curlers?"

"Byakuya." Gin intoned, ripping the phone from a pouting Yachiru.

"Uhh… sure." He walked over to the captain, prying his hand open and shoving the phone into it. "It's for you."

He warily put the phone to his ear. "Hello…?"

"YO MAMA SO UGLY, SHE PUT HER FACE TO THE WINDOW AND GOT ARRESTED FOR MOONING!" The joke subsided into peals of laughter as Ichigo took back his phone, turning to march resolutely back to Rukia. He didn't feel like seeing his reaction.

A/N: Yeah… I was lazy for awhile and didn't update. Sue me. xP This is my vacation story anyways, so I'm not real motivated…

But then! I gave my good friend both on and off the web, Rain at Midnight, some drawings of various Bleach people, so she updated her Bleach fic and gave ME a picture, so then I had to update mine… It's a vicious cycle, I tell ya'. So go check out her fic, beecccaauuussseee she's the one who came up with the Byakuya prank calls, and she wanted me to put some in mine. So here ya' are, a yo mama joke to make up for the recent lack of stick figures. XD

Next chapter… dun dun dun! Kenpachi's costume. The result of losing a bet in a _very_ bad way. Keh heh heh. Or maybe Kon'll make an appearance. –shrugs- Or Chappy- pyon! XD


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4: Aren't I A Nice Author For Finishing This?

Well, there turned out to be a problem with the whole, "Marching resolutely back to Rukia" plan- Rukia was no longer there. Ichigo whirled in a quick circle, eyes scanning the trashed living room. Byakuya making a hole in the wall with his head… no… Gin choking on his fruit punch… nope… Yachiru hanging from the ceiling and laughing at the world in general… nadda… "Dammit… where did she go?!" He mumbled, and even risked degrading himself by jumping up and down a bit to try and see over the mass of people. This was rather worrying… bad things tended to happen to her when he was distracted. Take that fight with Grimmjow for example. The second fight with Grimmjow. (What the hell did he have against her anyway?) Or the whole Soul Society ordeal in and of itself. But she could take care of herself- right? Why was he this anxious then?

He spotted someone quite tall a few feet off to the right. Ichigo grabbed the lamp out of the TV and beat a few people out of the way, shoving through in the guys general direction. "Yo! Hey! You there! Tall guy! He looked to be dressed in a suit, which was strange in and of itself, but hey. He probably just got sucked in on his way home from work. Ichigo poked in the back a few times, but he appeared not to have noticed. "Yo! Tall guy! Do you see a short chick with bunny ears anywhere? Hello?!"

Now he was getting ticked off. "TALL DUDE! CAN YOU HEAR ME?!" Apparently not. Ichigo gave a small mental shrug and broke his lamp/weapon over his head, figuring that this guy was either so drunk he was doing the world a favor by just knocking him out now, or this was some mannequin that had gotten put in here by accident. To Ichigo's surprise, suit-guy seemed to have noticed this, and shook a little. However, it was not for such mundane reasons as trying to remain standing. No, he was shaking with laughter.

"…The hell?" Ichigo shoved some other girl out of the way and circled around to Suit-Guy's front. Eyes widening, he stared up at the now identified tall guy.

"… Kenpachi?" He uttered, horrified. Kenpachi returned his stare, equally aghast. _Makes sense- who else would enjoy head injuries to such an extent?_

And then the thought managed to slowly finish chugging it's way through Ichigo's shocked mind. _Kenpachi. Is wearing. A clean suit. And no booze in sight either. Or sharp pointy objects. He looks almost… respectable._

"SShhh!" He muttered, clapping a hand over Ichigo's mouth and pointing towards the front door, where Ikkaku was attempting to extricate himself from the grasp of Keigo's sister. (and failing dismally) "I can't let him see me- he'll tell all the other guys… and… and… I mean, they would make some remark every time I went to go chop some guys head off… and… my reputation would be ruined! I couldn't go outside again! That would mean no fighting! Cuz' no bloke would actually _come _to fight me! I WOULD DIE, I WOULD ACTUALLY DIE, AND COME BACK TO LIFE AND DIE AGAIN!"

Ichigo absently wondered if he was channeling Kon or something, but decided that it wasn't worth the effort. "I take it that you lost a bet?"

"Yeah… me and fox-guy went into a pool together against Ukitake and Shunsui on whether Matsumoto would actually manage to dye Hitsugaya's hair on Mischief Night…" Kenpachi trailed off with a small shudder. Apparently it had not been pretty, even by his bloody standards.

Ichigo managed to get up the courage to ask the question that was really bothering him. "…What color?"

Yumichika spontaneously popped up in that vaguely disturbing way of his. "Hot pink, of course. Such a ghastly color, but isn't that the point? But Ukitake insisted that after last year, that was what would last the longest." He sparkled. Ichigo stared. Kenpachi looked at them both in horror.

"I'm sorry, I have a waffle burning. I have to go!" And with that distressing comment, the rather large and impeccably dressed man literally ran off, party-goers bouncing off of his bulk and flying across the room as he made a hasty retreat to avoid further embarrassment.

Yumichika eyed Ichigo in a rather sly way. "Say, I got photos. I'll go in with you- 50/50- if you hold them for me when he gets his sword back. If you have good insurance, think of the money we could make with blackmail!"

It hadn't quite processed yet. "…Blackmail?" Ichigo repeated.

"Oh, of course!" Yumichika replied. "How do you think I afford all these fancy cosmetics? None of that cheap trash- that's only for tramps and prostitutes, which are just such unseemly professions. It costs ever so much… Matsumoto and I run a whole racket. In fact…" Yumichika leaned in conspiratorially. Ichigo backed away, heart visibly palpitating when he made the unfortunate discovery he was pinned against a wall. Ignoring this, Yumi continued. "I've got some… photographs of Rukia's costume that you probably would not like to be passed around eleventh division. Care to give me a little incentive not to just accidentally leave them on Ikkaku's desk?"

Ichigo briefly contemplated slugging the butterfly-thing, but decided that if he got pissed off enough Yumi could kick even Aizen's ass to the Rukongai and back. So he simply added him to the list of people-to-maim-slash-maul-in-the-immediate-future and handed over all the cash he had on him.

Which wasn't much. Yumichika eyed it critically and sighed, obviously disappointed. "You can make payments, that's quite alright. I'll just send Yachiru to hold you to them…" Still mumbling pessimistically to himself, he disappeared in the wake of Kenpachi's trail of destruction, obviously intent on making some more money for tonight's share of alcohol.

Ichigo stared shell-shocked after him, sliding into a sitting position against the wall. His wallet ached, bleeding, screaming its displeasure.

Across the room, Soi Fon and her idiot of a vice-captain appeared to by attempting to dye a very passed-out Ukitake's hair in the punch bowl since Matsumoto didn't come through for them. Shunsui was still making out with Nanao. At the door, that creepy twelfth division captain was passing out miniature chocolate bars to trick-or-treaters (and seemed to be actually fitting in for the first time in his life). Deciding that this was probably a prime example of the type of person your mom always told you not to accept candy from, and of course they didn't know that he dressed that way _all_ the time, Ichigo tried to persuade himself to get up and put a stop to it. Before some small child chocked to death on a razor or some new sort of poison while Mayuri took notes and asked questions about just how it feels to have a sharp object lodged in your trachea. But his legs simply did not appear to be working at this time.

Unohana was lecturing a coat rack about proper eating habits, and the importance of getting your 10,000 steps every day. Ichigo doubted she drank. But hey, the lighting was awfully bad, and it wasn't like you could actually hear anything.

Suddenly, he spotted Rukia hanging from the ceiling fan. By her ankles, apparently trying to figure out just what was the best way to pick people's pockets from such an angle. It must have been bugging her- having her mad stealing skillz become so rusty after being spontaneously promoted from to a royal family after living on the street.

His legs miraculously healed, Ichigo ran over and yanked her down before she did any more harm to herself or others. However, neglecting to think this through before hand, he pulled her down on top of him.

"YOU BASTARD!" She shouted. Then, spotting just whom she was sprawled upon she scowled, but it didn't look unpleasant on her face. "Oh, just this bastard."

"Ow… bitch. That hurt…" Ichigo complained, before shoving her off and picking some of the fallen drywall flecks out of his fake blood. Rukia straightened her bunny ears and glared at him a bit more. "Where the hell were you? I was looking all over, thought you pulled somethin' stupid." Ichigo studiously avoided her eyes.

"Why should I tell you? But if you _absolutely must_ know, I was just talking to Uryuu and Orihime. They were talking together, and I walked over to say hi, but apparently they were on their way out already. So they had to leave. Together. Umm…" Rukia stared intently at the straps on her high heels.

"Well, umm… I'm sure he was just escorting her to her house. It's kind of late, you know," Ichigo mumbled.

"Oh, yes, of course, that exactly what it was. I'm sure Uryuu was just being polite…" The pause that followed after this was the 3rd most awkward in all of history. The 2nd being when Rosie O'Donnell was told she was actually Donald Trump's illegitimate love child, and the 1st? We won't even be going there.

Then a shout rung out. They both let go of breaths they were not even aware they had been holding.

"HHEEEYY! ICHIGO! LONG TIME NO SEE!" Rukia seemed to have seen whoever it was that had called out to him, and pulled him through a thicket of people and to the other side of what turned out to be the kitchen. And, sitting on top of the stove was none other than Kisuke, who didn't appear to even had made the effort to dress up, other than trading his usual green and white hat for what appeared to be an upside down jack-o-lantern missing it's top. He suspected it was only because Ikkaku wouldn't have let him in otherwise. Ichigo tried to ignore the small bits of pumpkin goo dripping down his nose.

"Uh… hello? Umm… but didn't I just buy some stuff from you yesterday?" He stammered. _Since when did I start stammering?_

Kisuke waved his free hand at him in a dismissive gesture, and took a sip of something from a plastic pumpkin he retrieved out of his cloak. _Drinking out of a plastic pumpkin. Somehow that doesn't seem like a great idea…_ "Tessai's taking Ururu and Jinta out trick-or-treating. Look man, you gotta _rreeellaxxx_." To demonstrate his point, he waved his hands in what was apparently a "relaxed" manner, and hiccupped slightly.

Rukia caught his eye and nodded in the direction of the black cat currently splayed on Kisuke's lap. Ichigo watched as "Mr." Yoruichi got her belly rubbed, in what would be a _very_ compromising position if she was human at the moment.

And he thought his love life was complicated.

"You gotta have some fun Ichigo! I mean c'mon, Rukia's right there… Don't you make a cute little bunny? Bunny, sunny, hunny, munny…" His speech slowed down into low mumblings about rabbit-related items as he returned to petting Yoruichi. The pair blushed furiously and visibly edged away from each other. Ichigo played with the idea of punching him.

But then, even drunk, Kisuke could still probably kick his ass. So he decided not to. But it was a very hard decision.

Rukia tugged on his sleeve. "I'm thirsty. You wouldn't happen to have something in a _sealed _bottle hidden in this coat of yours, would you?" She rummaged about in the pockets of the jacket she was still wearing for a moment, but came up empty handed, save for being kind of sticky from all the strawberry syrup, which she proceeded to lick off her fingers. He forced himself to look away.

"Look, I think Keigo's bathroom is over that way. If the tap water's still working, I imagine it must be safe. I seriously doubt anyone here has the presence of mind to intentionally contaminate the water supply." Ichigo grabbed her hand roughly and lead her away from Kisuke, oblivious, and Yoruichi, purring so loudly he could hear it even over the music, and tried to forget what had just happened.

Rukia followed in his wake as he attempted to make his way through all the people, practically a bulldozer, but it was still slow going. After about ten minutes he picked someone out from the crowd by the collar of their shirt, swinging them over the head of some other guy and depositing them next to Rukia as they continued to make their way towards the ever elusive bathroom.

Hanatarou (dressed as a knight) and Rukia surveyed each other, and then both glanced briefly at Ichigo's broad back as he continued to shove people out of the way.

"So, are you, umm, having a nice time?"

"I guess you could say that." Rukia glanced at Ichigo's hand enveloping her own as he dragged her along. "You know, you're the first guy all night who looked at my face when I said hello."

He grimaced, and got to the point. "Umm… d-do you k-know that g-g-girl over t-th-there?" Hanatarou stammered, pointing at some girl standing a ways off without looking at her.

Rukia squinted. "The one with the bob cut and the single flower pin in her bangs?" He nodded, bright red. "Ichigo! Isn't she in our class?"

He glanced back, and over the direction she was pointing. "Yeah! That's… umm… she's pretty quiet. Isn't her last name Ogawa?" Rukia agreed, and before poor Hana-chan knew what was happening, he had been picked up by his chain mail and chucked in the general direction of Ogawa-wozhername. Rukia scrambled up Ichigo's back, giving him no more thought than as if he had simply been some conveniently tall counter or chair, another part of the scenery, to see over the crowd's heads. Shades of Yachiru and Kenpachi, actually.

"Oh! He landed on her! You actually have really good aim Ichigo, surprisingly!" She winced for their sake. "Aww, how cute, he's helping her up! And they're both blushing and talking!" Ichigo tried really hard not to move. It was really, really, really hard not to move.

"Rukia, maybe you should get down now- that outfit's kinda…" _Don't look back, don't look back, don't look back, don't look back…_

"Oh, are you actually concerned about little old me? I can take care of myself, thank you." She replied condescendingly, bending over to talk into his ear. You really couldn't hear anything over the music.

"I did not say I was worried!"

"You did just now. Seriously, I wouldn't have lasted this long if I couldn't take care of a few pervs now and then…" _She actually **knew** what Tatsuki dressed her up as?!_ Suddenly she let out a small yelp and a growl, and turned so quickly as to almost fall off his shoulders. Grabbing her leg and steadying himself by latching on to the collar of some large guy off to his right, he whirled around to see some guy pulling on her tail.

She had already punched him, hard enough that he was staggering away the other direction, but he launched himself after him, slugging him in the back of the head. The guy fell, and he continued punching him as people milled about, stepping on them both, oblivious to their presence. Ichigo felt the blood beneath his knuckles and some distant part of him heard the guy crying out apology after apology, but he was somewhere else entirely. The frustration he had been feeling at life in general lately was channeled into rage as he fell once more into the easy and familiar rhythm of wailing on a scumbag who deserved no forgiveness.

Suddenly he felt something pull him away from the jerk and rounded on him as well, sinking his fist into a broad chest. "Ichigo…" His eyes darted to Rukia's horrified face, the paleness in a stark contrast to the darkness of the room around him and up to the face of the man who was currently restraining him.

Chad's face was sad, and yet impassive. He set Ichigo back down next to Rukia, and proceeded to help the jerk back to his feet.

Ichigo just stood next to her. Simply stood, staring blankly ahead as Chad helped Keigo to his feet, all the rage gone, leaving an all-consuming emptiness behind it. Keigo's nose was obviously broken and his lip split, blood streaming down his face. And while he looked kind of shocky from the pain, his eyes were hurt more than anything else. Confused. But not angry. Not in the least bit. Just… lost.

Chad put an arm around his shoulders, virtually holding him up, and gave him the wig off his werewolf costume to at least keep him from bleeding all over himself, and they vanished in the direction of the kitchen to get some ice and water. Chad glanced at him over his shoulder, face blank, and yet holding so much he wasn't sure he wanted to understand himself.

Ichigo forced his way over to a window and climbed out, leaping to the ground, too tired to bother with a door. He walked to the curb and took a seat, staring quietly out into the empty streets. The music throbbed on behind him regardless, a few playful screams and a breaking of glass punctuating the stillness. Keigo's face regarded him cheerily from the side of the store across the street.

Rukia took a seat beside him. They sat in silence. They didn't really need words. They never really did.

It seemed like Ichigo's whole world sometimes consisted purely of silence. The silence after his screams died out while his mother lay atop him. The silence Rukia that pervaded his room after Rukia left. The silence that filled in the gaps of family, his friends. He himself was buried under so many layers that all he gave off was silence, communication a gesture and a glance for the few that even cared to understand him anymore.

Rukia let her head come to rest upon his shoulder. He could feel it's warmth through the thin cotton of his shirt.

The party died down soon after and they watched as people stagger off in all directions, to hail taxi cabs or simply disappear into the darkness singing off-key or laughing at nothing in particular. Rukia watched as some older guy tried to get into his car, but couldn't quite figure out how to unlock it. Just as well, because his friend was chewing him out for trying in the first place, even if his diatribe was marred by speech so slurred as to be indecipherable.

Eventually Keigo found his way out as well, taking a seat next to Ichigo, holding an ice pack to his face, but more calm than either of the pair had even seen the guy.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to be that much of a perv. I don't blame you much- I would have slugged me too. And it was awfully dark." What of his face they could see was solemn, but somehow unsurprisingly so.

Ichigo grunted, and took the ice pack from him silently, his gore stained back retreating towards the house. Rukia internally wished she could have just healed Asano.

"So… do you need to go the hospital?" It was a stupid question. Rukia regretted letting it slip.

"Probably. I know my nose is broken, but Chad popped it back in place while I was still pretty out of it. I know they won't do anything, but it's the whole principle- you know? And there's this one really cute nurse that works there…" He gave her a strained grin, but winced and realized it probably wasn't his brightest idea. "I really wasn't trying to be that much of a pervert. I guess… I just wasn't thinking…" His words trailed off into silence as he let his gaze slip blankly to his replica across the street.

"It's alright." They both smiled a bit at her words. It wasn't really a grin, more just a reaction to the relief they both felt.

They turned as Ichigo's shuffling footsteps announced his return. Resolutely returning to his former spot between the two of them, he shoved a fresh ice pack at Asano and a towel.

Things would be okay. Different for sure. But okay.

Keigo soon wandered back to his trashed house, mumbling remorsefully about carpet cleaning bills and finding strangers underwear in strange and bizarre places. Ichigo and Rukia gravitated home as well before too long.

Walking down the empty, empty streets, Rukia felt for his hand, giving it a gentle squeeze, but his impassive face seemed to lighten somehow.

Once home he shoved a pair of pajamas at her (god forbid his father should ever find that costume- he would burn it first thing tomorrow) and collapsed upon the sofa. Rukia changed silently and joined him, and they both slipped into sleep reassured by the others presence.

Ichigo liked to act like a loner. It didn't really mean he necessarily wanted to _be_ one. He would never say it though. But Ichigo was all about what remained unsaid anyway. Rukia got that.

Ichigo just hoped that his old man would knock himself out on his bedroom wall when no one was there to stop his usual wake-up tackle. But even if he didn't, he didn't care much. They had best get used to idea anyway. It was a moot point however, as Isshin proceeded to do exactly that the next morning.

Ichigo's last thought before falling asleep was what Rukia would think about Easter. But the last thing he felt was… _content._

It was nice. Even if he did have a headache. But he didn't really care about that much either.

A/N: Working on a new multi-chapter (5 to be precise) IchiRuk drama fic by the name of Stockholm Syndrome. Will post when finished. Come check it out. Needed a break, and since most of this was already done decided to finish it up. Hope you like. XD

Hmm. This one chapter is almost as long as the three preceding it combined. XD


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